Is your teenager begging to change schools, or asking to be homeschooled? When school has become hard, that wish to escape it is completely understandable, and it deserves to be taken seriously. But before you make the move, there’s one gentle thing worth considering first.
I’m Chris, a certified PEERS® provider, the founder of Social Skills Australia, and a parent of teens myself. A teen wanting to change schools or be homeschooled is one of the signs we often see in families who come to us - so let me walk through what’s usually underneath it, when a change really is the right call, and what tends to help most.
Why teens want to leave
When a teenager wants out, it’s very often social rather than academic. They may feel isolated, left out, or like they simply don’t fit - and school can quietly become a place that hurts. Wanting to escape that is a deeply human response. It’s also one of the signs that a young person might need some support with the social side of life, alongside things like withdrawing to their room or spending more and more time online.
Sometimes a change really is the right call
Let’s be clear about this first, because it matters: sometimes moving schools is exactly the right decision. If school isn’t safe or it simply isn’t the right fit, that is real and it deserves action. Please take it seriously and trust what you’re seeing.
If the problem is bullying, this is something we work on directly in the PEERS® program, both how to handle it, and how to reduce the chance of a young person becoming a target in the first place.
The gentler thing worth considering
Here’s something I usually share gently, because I know it isn’t always easy to hear. If your family has already tried a change or two, and the same difficulties have followed your teen to each new school, that pattern is worth sitting with.
The thing is, a new school changes the surroundings, not the skills. Often a young person is, without realising it, doing a few small things that make connecting harder, and those travel with them wherever they go. A fresh start can feel like the answer, but if the underlying challenges come along for the ride, the new school can end up looking a lot like the last one.
The hopeful part
Here’s the good news: the solution travels too. When a teen learns the social skills that were missing - how to start and keep conversations, read social situations, handle conflict, find their people - the next environment has a real chance of being the fresh start they’re hoping for.
So the most useful question often isn’t “which school?” It’s “what would help my teen feel at home in any school?”
What to do before you move
Take their feelings seriously. The distress is real, whatever the cause - start there.
Rule out anything unsafe. An unsafe environment needs action in its own right.
Look honestly at the pattern. Have the same difficulties followed them across schools?
Consider whether social skills support could travel with them - so the next school goes differently.
Involve your teen. They’re far more likely to engage when they feel heard, not managed.
Where to start
If this sounds like your family, you don’t have to work it out alone:
Download our free guide, 5 Steps to Making and Keeping Friends.
Book a free chat with me to talk through whether a group would suit your teen.
Changing schools changes the setting. Learning new skills changes what your teen can carry into any setting - and that’s the fresh start that tends to last.
Frequently Asked Questions
Should I let my teenager change schools?
Sometimes a change is genuinely the right call, especially when school isn’t safe or a good fit. But if the same difficulties have followed your teen from school to school, it’s worth considering whether some social skills support would help before, or alongside, another move.
Is wanting to be homeschooled a red flag?
Not on its own, but it’s worth gently exploring the why. If it’s driven by social difficulty or feeling unsafe due to bullying, homeschooling may ease the immediate distress without building the skills and connections your teen will still need. It’s one of the signs that some social support could help.
Will changing schools stop the bullying?
It can, if the environment was the problem. But if a young person is inadvertently becoming a target, that pattern can repeat at a new school. Skills that reduce becoming a target - which we teach directly in PEERS® - travel with them, wherever they go.
Social Skills Australia delivers UCLA’s evidence-based PEERS® program online for teens and young adults with autism and ADHD across Australia.
Article by
Christine O'Leary
Christine O'Leary is the founder of Social Skills Australia, a Social Communication Educator and a UCLA PEERS® Certified Provider. She brings more than 28 years of communication experience across education, parenting support and consulting, and holds a Graduate Diploma in Communication and a Bachelor of Business Administration from the University of South Australia.
Christine first discovered PEERS® as a parent, when her own son wanted help making friends, and completed the program alongside him. That experience led her to become certified in 2022. Today she and her team deliver evidence-based social skills programs online across Australia for neurodivergent teens and young adults, and have supported hundreds of participants and their families.
Her approach is neuroaffirming and practical: social challenges are skill gaps, not character flaws, and the right skills can be learned.