Why the Difference Between Targeted Teasing and Banter is a Skill Worth Teaching

"They were just joking."

Four words that can make the validity of a genuinely difficult experience disappear.

Jokes are one of the most complex social dynamics that young people navigate, and neurodivergent young people are disproportionately on the receiving end of it. Research consistently shows that autistic young people and those with ADHD are more likely to be targeted by teasing and peer victimisation than their neurotypical peers. This isn't random. It's connected to how difference is perceived in peer groups and to the fact that neurodivergent young people are often less equipped with strategies to respond when it happens.

Not all jokes are the same.

There is banter that is genuinely playful. It happens between people who like each other, it's mutual, it's kind at its core, and it's one of the ways humans signal familiarity and affection. This kind of joke is worth learning to navigate because being able to give and receive it comfortably is part of belonging.

And then there is targeted teasing. Malicious. Unkind. Repeated. Designed to make someone feel small. This is not playful. Not between people who like each other, and it is not something a young person should simply absorb.

PEERS® teaches young people to tell the difference. And more importantly, it teaches them how to respond to both situations. Responses that don't escalate the situation, don't reward the behaviour, and don't leave the young person feeling powerless.

Within the program, young people practise the strategies through structured role plays. They rehearse the calm, unbothered response. They get to try it in a safe environment, receive feedback, and try again. That repetition matters. By the time a real situation arrives at school or at the bus stop, the response isn't brand new.

They are prepared

Parents have their own session learning how to socially coach their young person, because PEERS® research is clear that parent involvement significantly improves outcomes. Parents learn how to set up low-pressure role plays at home, how to coach without taking over, and how to debrief after a tricky social moment without making their young person feel worse. 

The work that happens between weekly sessions is just as important as the session itself.

The goal is not to make your young person immune to humour. The goal is to give them responses they can actually use. So that someone else's behaviour has less power over how they feel about themselves, and how their day goes.

Our May groups are now full. The next intake opens in September — and spots are limited, as always. If you'd like to explore whether PEERS® is the right fit for your young person, the best place to start is a free discovery call. No pressure, no obligation — just a conversation. Book yours via the link in bio.