3 Signs Your Teen Needs Social Skills Support (And What To Do About It)

As a parent, you know your teenager better than anyone. And if you're reading this, you've probably noticed something that's making you worry about their social life.

Maybe they spend every weekend alone in their room. Maybe they seem lonely but won't talk about it. Maybe they're getting invited to things but always find a reason not to go.

You're not imagining it. And you're not alone.

As a certified PEERS® provider who works with anxious teens and young adults with autism and ADHD every day, I see these patterns repeatedly in families who reach out for help. The good news? These signs don't mean your teen is going to be lonely forever. They mean your teen needs to learn specific, teachable skills.

Let me share the three most common signs I see—and more importantly, what you can do about them.

Sign #1: Your Teen Spends All Their Time Alone in Their Room

Not the occasional weekend Netflix binge. I'm talking about a teenager who consistently chooses solitary activities over any kind of social interaction.

They come home from school and immediately retreat to their room. Weekends pass without a single text from a friend. When you suggest inviting someone over, they shut down the conversation.

Why this matters:

Social isolation in the teen years isn't just about missing out on fun. Research shows that chronic loneliness during adolescence is linked to increased anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems later in life.

But here's what many parents don't realise: your teen isn't avoiding people because they're "introverted" or "just different." They're likely avoiding social situations because they feel anxious, confused, or unsuccessful in them.

They don't know how to start conversations. They don't know how to keep them going. They don't know how to make plans or what to say when plans change.

So they opt out entirely.

What to look for:

- Avoiding family gatherings or events with peers

- Never mentioning friends from school

- Excessive screen time as a substitute for social connection

- Becoming defensive when you ask about their social life

Sign #2: Your Teen Only Has Online Friends or Much Younger/Older Friends

Maybe your teen does have friends—but they're exclusively online gaming buddies they've never met in person. Or their only friends are your neighbor's 10-year-old or their 25-year-old cousin.

Why this matters:

Online friendships aren't bad. Neither are age-gap friendships. But when these are the ONLY friendships your teen has, it's often a sign they're avoiding the complexity of same-age, in-person relationships.

Online friendships have lower social demands. You can take your time typing responses. You can log off when it gets uncomfortable. There's no body language to read, no awkward silences to fill.

Friendships with much younger kids let your teen feel competent and in control—they're the "cool older kid." Friendships with much older people (adults, older siblings of friends) mean the other person does the social heavy lifting.

Same-age, in-person friendships require skills your teen hasn't learned yet. So they're unconsciously seeking relationships where the bar is lower.

What to look for:

- Refusing to attend teen-focused activities or events

- Getting upset when online gaming friends aren't available

- Talking about their "friends" but you've never seen them interact in person

- Gravitating toward babysitting or mentoring younger children as their primary social outlet

Sign #3: Your Teen Gets Invited to Things But Doesn't Go (Or Goes and Comes Home Upset)

This is the one that confuses parents the most. "My teen HAS friends! They get invited to things!"

But then your teen makes excuses not to go. Or they go and come home early, frustrated or crying. Or they attend but spend the whole time on their phone in the corner.

Why this matters:

This is actually one of the most heartbreaking patterns I see—because it means your teen WANTS friendships but lacks the skills to navigate them successfully.

They get invited because someone likes them. But once they're in the social situation, they don't know:

- How to join a conversation that's already happening

- What to say when there's a lull

- How to handle teasing or conflict

- How to read social cues about whether they're welcome

- How to recover when they make a social mistake

So they either avoid going entirely (to protect themselves from failure) or they go and have negative experiences that reinforce their belief that they're "bad at socialising."

What to look for:

- Making excuses to skip parties or hangouts at the last minute

- Coming home from social events visibly stressed or upset

- Saying "I don't fit in" or "Nobody likes me" despite evidence of friendships

- Asking to be picked up early from events

What Happens If You Don't Address This?

I don't say this to scare you, but you deserve to know: social isolation in adolescence doesn't usually get better on its own.

Without intervention, these patterns tend to intensify:

- Social anxiety increases (avoidance reinforces fear)

- The skill gap widens (peers keep developing social skills; your teen doesn't)

- Depression and low self-esteem set in

- School refusal may develop

- The transition to adulthood becomes exponentially harder

The longer your teen goes without practicing social skills in a safe, supportive environment, the harder it becomes to catch up.

What You Can Do About It

Here's the truth that gives parents hope: Social skills can be taught.

Just like you taught your child to read, tie their shoes, or ride a bike, you can teach them to make and keep friends. They just need:

1. Explicit instruction in the "hidden rules" of social interaction

2. Structured practice in a safe environment where mistakes are okay

3. Coaching and feedback from someone who understands teen social dynamics

4. Repetition until these skills become natural

This is exactly what evidence-based programs like PEERS® (Program for the Education and Enrichment of Relational Skills) are designed to do.

What PEERS® Teaches:

- How to start and maintain conversations

- How to use appropriate humor

- How to handle disagreements and teasing

- How to choose appropriate friends

- How to organise successful get-togethers

- How to handle rejection and bullying

These aren't vague concepts like "be confident" or "just be yourself." These are concrete, step-by-step skills that can be practiced and mastered.

Next Steps for Your Family

If you recognised your teen in any of these three signs, you're not powerless.

Start here:

📥 Download our free guide: 5 Steps to Making and Keeping Friends

This resource will give you practical strategies you can start using at home today.

Then, consider professional support:

Our PEERS® programs are specifically designed for teens and young adults with autism, ADHD, and social anxiety. We deliver these programs online, which means:

- Your anxious teen doesn't have to face the stress of traveling to appointments

- You can access evidence-based support from anywhere in Australia

- Your teen practices with peers who "get it"—they're not alone

📞 Book a free discovery call to find out if our program is right for your family.

You're Not Alone in This

Thousands of parents have sat where you're sitting right now—worried, confused, and desperate to help their teen build friendships.

The difference between the families who see transformation and those who stay stuck? Taking action.

Your teen can learn these skills. They can have friends. They can feel confident in social situations.

But they need your help to get there.

About the Author:

Christine O’Leary runs Social Skills Australia, delivering evidence-based PEERS® programs online for teens and young adults with autism and ADHD across Australia. As a certified PEERS® provider and parent of autistic teens, she understands firsthand the challenges families face and the transformation that's possible with the right support.