10 Social Skills Your Teenager Should Have by Age 16 (A checklist for parents)
If you've ever watched your teenager struggle to make or keep friends, you've probably wondered the same thing most parents do: is this normal, or is my teen falling behind?
It's a fair question — and a hard one to answer, because nobody hands you a list of the social skills a teenager is “supposed” to have. So I made one.
I'm Chris, a certified PEERS® provider and the founder of Social Skills Australia. I'm also a parent of teens on the spectrum, and I completed the PEERS program myself as a parent before I ever delivered it. So this checklist isn't theory for me — it's lived experience.
Below are ten social skills most teens have picked up by around age 16. As you read, tick off the ones your teen can already do, and make a note of any that are missing. And before you start — please remember this: every one of these is a skill, not a personality trait. Skills can be taught. So if your teen is missing a few, it isn't a verdict. It's simply a starting point.
The 10-skill checklist
Starting a conversation with a peer. Not with you, and not with a teacher — with someone their own age. If your teen only ever talks comfortably with adults or much younger children, this one may be missing.
Joining a group that's already talking. This is a separate, harder skill. Watch for the teen who hovers on the edge of a group, clearly wanting in, but never quite finds the way to join.
Reading basic social cues. The everyday ones — noticing when someone is bored, interested, or uncomfortable. When this is missing, a teen keeps talking long after the other person has switched off.
Ending a conversation politely. Almost no one teaches this. The signs it's missing are the abrupt walk-off, or getting stuck in a conversation with no idea how to leave.
Making plans with friends. Actual plans — “Do you want to come over on Saturday?” If your teen only ever waits to be invited, and feels left out when the invitation never comes, this is the gap.
Handling a disagreement without shutting down. Every friendship has friction. The flag here isn't the disagreement itself — it's the meltdown, the silent treatment, or ending a whole friendship over something small.
Knowing the unwritten rules online. So much of teen friendship now lives in texts and group chats, and the rules there are different and unspoken. A common sign this is missing: getting removed from a group chat without understanding why.
Speaking up for themselves. Asking for help, or saying no — without tipping into either passive or aggressive. When it's missing, a teen can't bring themselves to ask a teacher for help, or they bottle things up until they erupt.
Keeping friends, not just making them. This is the one people forget. Making a friend and keeping a friend are two completely different skills. If your teen sparks connections that fizzle out within a few weeks, again and again, the gap is in maintaining — not making.
Handling peer pressure and bullying. Having a way to stand their ground or shut a situation down, rather than caving to fit in or becoming a repeat target.
What if my teen is missing several?
First — don't panic. Missing one or two of these is completely normal, even for teens who aren't neurodivergent. But if you've ticked off three or more as missing, it's worth taking seriously, because these gaps tend to compound. A teen who keeps getting knocked back socially often stops trying, and starts to withdraw. That's the part that concerns me most as a parent.
The good news is that the solution is the same at any age: teach the skill explicitly, and give your teen a safe place to practise it. This is exactly how the PEERS® program works — it breaks social skills down into concrete, learnable steps, and lets teens practise them with peers who are working on the same things. It's especially well-suited to teens with autism, ADHD, or social anxiety, who so often need the unwritten rules spelled out rather than expected to absorb them.
Where to start
If your teen is missing a few of these skills, here are two simple next steps:
Download our free guide, 5 Steps to Making and Keeping Friends (socialskillsaustralia.com.au/free-ebook). It's a practical starting point you can use this week.
Book a free chat with me (socialskillsaustralia.com.au/register) if you'd like to talk through whether a structured program is the right fit for your teen.
Social skills can be learned — and it's never too late to start.
Social Skills Australia delivers UCLA's evidence-based PEERS® program online for teens and young adults with autism and ADHD across Australia.